1 month ago i left

Riverside Valley

Today is exactly one month ago that I have embarked on my journey.
On 31.12.2017 I was at the airport in Hamburg and got on the plane.
Full of fear, doubt and uncertainty, I set off.
The anticipation remained covered in the background, show first in the plane.
A few days earlier, I even thought, maybe it would be better if I undo everything and stay.
It was not that bad, right?
But I’m not done for giving up.
But the way I’ve already gone is too far.
So I went.
Deep within me there was and is something bigger than fear, uncertainty or doubt.
For a long time in my life, it was only in exceptional situations, but now it is there permanently.
Trust, basic trust, faith and love.
After today I find it hard to believe that I’m still doing all these things.
It was only 1 month ago when it all started.
Since I’m here everything is different.
No, that is not correct.
I am another.
Is there something like a travel mode?
If, then I’m in it.
I just got pulled over a river by myself, the footpath we were walking along was not safe, twice I threatened to fall down, before I jumped from the cliffs into the river.
In none of these moments did I feel fear in me.
I deliberately chose everything.
What is wrong with me?
The fear gone forever gone from my life or just the unnecessary without saying goodbye?
I dont know.
No idea.
The young girl I sat with on this little thing was scared that the more fear she felt, the safer I became.
Funny or crazy.
At the same time it is a liberating feeling.
Shortly after our arrival here, in this idyll at the end of nowhere, without a phone signal or any other access to civilization, I went into the water.
Arrived in the river, I felt for a moment, deep peace in me, just thought of nothing, the water and I formed a unity, almost a symbiosis.
An indescribable feeling, full of gratitude, love and freedom.
Much of what I thought, I hope I know after the trip, I already know.
Does that mean my journey is over now?
No.
She is not.
She continues.
The planning is still on and besides, I’m still looking forward to some great things that I intend, some of which will challenge me particularly, others, I will just enjoy.
And who knows maybe my plans will change again.
After all, I’m now a master in the plans to throw and make new or rather just let me come to me.
In between, I’m standing next to me and laughing, is that really me?
Who else, if not me?
Christoph Columbus set off at that time because he believed that there are still white spots on the map to be discovered.
Many thought he was crazy, but he was not deterred and was successful in the end.
Sometimes I feel the same way, completely out of any comfort zone, I set out to discover the lands that are still white spots for me.
What is more important, I realize only here on the spot during the trip, I discover and conquer the white spots, unknown places and treasures in myself.
That’s priceless.
After all, I will always be with me as long as my heart beats for me and therefore I can never really be alone or?
No.
Above all, I should start to become my best friend, no one will ever spend so much time with me, if forced, as myself.
Time to make friends, the only true lifetime.
In the end, I spent years trying to find the love of my life in the outdoors, then thought everything would be easier and I finally happy.
I realize that I was subject to a mistake, the love of my life, has been there for so long and just waiting to be finally seen and recognized.
I am myself.
This love is to be nurtured and nurtured, any other love is only a bonus, even if it should pass, it will probably hurt, but there is still someone who loves me.
I.

My conclusion after a month is that this trip is the best decision of my life.

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