I should be happy

I am on my way

After a lot of sleep, I woke up and did not feel as good as I wanted.
After all, I am here in New Zealand now, the adventure has just begun.
Why am I not happy then, do not get up every day with a big smile on my face?
I do not get it.
To calm me down, I meditated that did well.
Even before breakfast it was already packed again things, today it goes on to the next people, you give me for a few days a home.
A wonderful home as I should discover a few hours later.
Shortly after I arrived, they had to go again and set me at a supermarket, so I could do a few errands.
Before at their home, we talked to each other, without knowing each other before, only knew what was in the emails, they make me feel welcome, let me know that they are there in case something is.
Tears of gratitude came to me.
This feeling is simply indescribable.
But when I came to the supermarket, rather than go out again, I was attacked by a very different.
I think that was already this morning.
Lost.
It’s the feeling of feeling lost, giving up everything, breaking off the tents and going off now.
On the one hand a huge freedom that is wonderful, at least I believe that I do not feel it yet.
On the other hand, the question what do I do now?
What’s next?
Where am I going?
Alone in the world, with all these many possibilities and options.
The fear, the life and myself.
As grateful and proud as I am to make this journey now, it just feels that way.
Next week Wednesday will start a 10-day meditation course in which meditation and silence will be held every day.
I’ve been looking forward to it for months, being on the waiting list until my arrival in Auckland, hoping for a place every day.
I got him my seat on the luggage belt.
Although I know that this course will help me, it is also another challenge.
Like life itself.On my way
Running away from the supermarket home made this sense of lostness vanish.
Is it on the way?
Honestly?
Anyway, running calms me, seems to be my medicine.
This fact in turn makes me very happy because I will be running a lot this year.
Upon entering the Indian supermarket on my way, I immediately shot a smile on my face.
Just this smell, of food, curry and afar.
Glorious.Heute im indischen Supermarkt
I was shelf by shelf, like a kid walking around the Christmas tree, on every corner there was something for me to discover.
I love that so much.Heute im indischen SupermarktHeute im indischen SupermarktHeute im indischen SupermarktHeute im indischen SupermarktHeute im indischen Supermarkt
Something that looks like a cucumber, but actually tastes bitter and is processed in curry in India or even sweet little grains that are eaten to the bedside table.
Completely overwhelmed because of the large selection, I have now taken first delicious biscuits.
Typical.
Maybe I dare more in the coming days.
Back in my new home, I try to calm down.
In the afternoon, I sit down and plan the rest of my time in New Zealand.
I’m happy and thankful, but the other moments are there too and it’s time to accept that.
In life, the sun does not always shine in every moment, otherwise we would be sitting in the desert and I would get sunburn without end.
We also need the wind, the plants and the water.
Life is full of diversity, not only in possibilities, but also in feelings.
If I have learned one thing, then that, the only thing that is constant is the change, and just as this sense of lostness has come, it will also go away when I let it go.

In this sense, you all have a wonderful day.

Best regards from the other end of the world,

Jaqueline

2 Comments

  1. Enjoy your journey! I look forward to following along. One of my best friends went on a similar journey after separating from her husband and I just finished reading her memoir about it. You might enjoy it too. It’s called “The Gift Inside the Wound” by Teri Leigh.

    • I will take a look at it definetly and thank you for the advice as well as for the feedback. That means a lot me. Have a great time too.

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