On search

Before I started this trip, I thought it was stupid to give up my home, my household and my job.
Then there’s nothing where I can go back, right?
On the other hand, this radicality seemed to me an absolute necessity, without which I can not go on the journey.
So slowly I wonder why.
As so often, I assumed I was the only one who could do it.
At least now it is clear to me almost every day, it’s not me.
But on the contrary.
All the people I meet are familiar, almost like friends.
In the end, they are companions in the end.
With each passing day I travel, I meet people who are searching.
No matter if you have just finished school, have successfully completed your studies or, as I have worked for some time now and yet we all join in the search.
We are all seekers.
But what are we looking for?
The meaning in our life?
Answers to the many questions that life poses for us.
After ourselves.
Although I feel less alone now, this still puts me in front of new questions.
How come we are all looking?
Is it the sign of our time?
The oversupply of opportunities that leaves us desperate?
Are our journeys, perhaps the attempt to escape, instead of facing us?
The answer can not be found here in general or even written down.
Each one of us has to find it in ourselves.
Last night I sat in my room with two wonderful young women.
Previously only greeted briefly on the bus greeted us, otherwise no further contact.
After some fellow travelers realized that I’m the one who often sits in front of their little IPad and writes, there was the question, what are you doing there anyway?
I write.
Write a blog.
How come?
Good question.
My blog is based on the need to create a place where people feel less alone, with their feelings and thoughts.
You see that there is at least one other person who has one.
I share all the things on my blog hoping to encourage people to get closer to themselves, to talk about the things that really move them instead of hiding themselves and their uniqueness. Convinced that we are all adorable as we are.
What followed is just a confirmation for me and also something that makes me think.
I’m not used to talking about my feelings.
I would like it that way.
I do not know how it works.
Well, honestly that’s the fear of what others say or think about me.
After all, you want to be someone.
At these words, tears are still in my eyes.
One thing is clear to me, why should we want to be somebody instead of ourselves?
Is being ourselves not challenging enough and sufficient?
What does that mean to be somebody?
For me that meant for years the balancing act between meeting the expectations of others and what is normal.
Sometimes I had the feeling to break it.
There was no rest there, I was always struggling, wanted to do justice to everyone and everything.
But I paid no attention to the most important people in my life, he even threatened to disappear completely.
Myself.
Without me everything is nothing, but I did not have a clue at the time.
So there were two beautiful young women sitting in front of me and explaining to me how insecure they felt, lost in this world, the expectations and possibilities.
Either we never learn it or it eventually gets lost, the relationship with ourselves.
What that means for us I heard yesterday and know it from my own experience.
Self-doubt, fear, insecurity, exhaustion and the feeling that nowhere else to really belong.
At the end of our conversation we were no longer strangers, on the contrary, confidants on the way to ourselves.
As much as we travel, run away, do experiments, or look for the one person in our lives, the button, the moment when everything is different, becomes easier on its own.
We will not find him anywhere else, can not.
Because the answers are already in ourselves.
Often it seems easier to go outside, to distract oneself than to deal with oneself, at least at first sight.
It is not easy, no, sometimes it brings you to the edge of despair, in the end it is worth every effort.
As long as I live, I am always with myself.
So it’s a good idea to know yourself better and maybe even love it, right?

I think so.

Have you ever said to yourself in your life and looked into each other’s eyes: I love myself?

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